Ruthlessly Connect (Connect with your matter what!)

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Could the others, some in worse shape than I, complete such a distance? We were convinced we could not. But we could hobble to that ridge, we could make the next friendly village for the night. And that, of course, was all we had to do…. When I relinquished my job and income to undertake a book of a quarter of a million words, I could not bear to let my mind dwell on the whole scope of the project.

I would surely have abandoned what has become my deepest source of professional pride. I tried to think only of the next paragraph, not the next page and certainly not the next chapter. Thus, for six solid months, I never did anything but set down one paragraph after another. A house is built one brick at a time. Football games are won a play at a time…Every big accomplishment is a series of little accomplishments. For you, it might mean securing a domain name, setting up your first website, and launching a first product. And then another, and another.

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Whatever your goal, you can take one forward step toward it, probably right now look away from the internet and go, go, go! This phrase, written in the book, and posted on my Twitter a few months ago , is a longtime favorite maxim:. If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.

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In the military, it was the same thing. The person in the S-3 operations shop who worked the craziest hours, yet still found time to work out, see his family, and help mentor junior soldiers, was the go-to person to help you book your range, figure out a funding issue, and to arrange travel and school for me and my soldiers.

Meanwhile, the senior sergeant who sat in the corner with a laptop and one duty, somehow failed to accomplish his one task on time or to standard. Being busy forces you to find ruthless efficiency and prioritization. Even Jennifer Lawrence agrees:.

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I can literally lie on a couch and watch television for 15 hours. Volume also brings the need to quit wasting time on stupid stuff. When I have a full plate of work, freelancing, yoga teaching, volunteering, meal prepping, and social activities, I stop dawdling time away on unfulfilling time-sucks. Schwartz weaves personal experience with case studies of his friends, students, and associates.

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With your boss, subordinates, family, friends, and neighbors, not to mention people you come into casual contact with, like your local barista, impress on yourself that they matter. Make it a habit to remember names, birthdays, and smile, as you really give each person your full attention. Carnegie and Schwartz say the same thing, in many of the same terms. Everyone craves appreciation, respect, and recognition.

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One night is Tzedaka night, when we discuss good causes and donate money to them. Each night is special in its own way, and presents take a back seat. We work hard to de-commercialize what can so easily become a feast of more, more, more, rather than a feast of lights and miracles. De-commercializing Christmas can be even more challenging, but it's certainly possible.

I know families who give four presents to their child for Christmas: "something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. Add a stocking, time to play with your child, and a few annual traditions, and it's plenty. The gifts you do give will be treasured. Set a budget for each gift, add them up to be sure you can handle the total, and really stick to it. You might try online shopping, so you can do it at night without the kids around, avoid the exhaustion and crowds, and diminish the importance of holiday shopping in your family life.

Some families de-commercialize the holidays by making presents. Your goal is to delight your giftees with a token of your affection, not to garner status points or exhaust yourself. One strategy is to make big batches of something that most folks will enjoy -- fudge, or bath salts -- so that most of your gifts can be made on one day, with the help of your child.

Click here for presents you can make easily with your kids. Children love tradition and ritual.

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  6. Repetition, the comfort of belonging, the sense of wonder, magic, and celebration -- traditions nurture kids and parents alike, and create a sense of shared meaning. They connect families. Honor those requests and savor those moments.

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    But if you're feeling like the things you do every year don't reflect your values, why not re-evaluate your traditions? Don't make this about more work; keep it simple. Just try altering your current tradition a bit, or try something new, and if you like it, repeat it. Then begin to talk about it and look forward to it with the whole family. Eventually, that tradition will take on a life of its own and will become a sustaining part of your family culture.

    Holiday traditions that will have meaning for your family are plentiful; your job is to find the ones that feel best to everyone and are easiest to pull off. One answer, of course, is to limit kids to one store-bought gift although often a grandparent will add another. But what we really want for our kids is not for them to feel deprived, but to find their own holiday spirit and discover the joy of giving to others.

    Did you know that the experience of giving actually activates an area of the brain that gives us physical pleasure?

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    But generosity doesn't come from guilt. Children begin to feel generous from the feeling of having plenty -- emotionally, even more than materially -- and develops as they have the experience of making others happy by giving to them. Our job as parents is to help our kids to have those experiences. But that wisdom is something that usually develops only after one has had plenty of experiences of giving to others and seeing their delight. Beyond the obvious traditions of spiritual reflection and embodying the spirit of giving, the time we have together at the holidays gives a golden opportunity for families to reflect, examine, and appreciate their lives together. Start with discussions at dinner about what you love about your family, your lives, and yourselves, and one thing you would change if you could. Here are a couple of ideas for family reflection rituals to extend this practice:.

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    That can give you plenty of chances for family connection, especially if you forgo screens in favor of family board games. What you want to avoid, of course, is racing around before you leave, getting stressed out by a busy trip, and returning home in need of a vacation. Kids tend to get cranky and stressed with travel and schedule changes, so plan to do less, rather than more.

    We approach the holidays each year with the secret hope that our life will be transformed. Somehow, our home will become picture perfect, professionally decorated and worthy of a magazine spread. Our homemade gifts will be the envy of the neighborhood. Our children, perfect angels, will be baking for the soup kitchen, starring in the holiday pageant, and certainly never bickering or ungrateful.

    We, of course, will look and feel fabulous, basking in the warm glow of the season as we greet our guests. If you have opted in for our browser push notifications, and you would like to opt-out, please refer to the following instructions depending on your device and browser. For turning notifications on or off on Google Chrome and Android click here , for Firefox click here , for Safari click here and for Microsoft's Edge click here.

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